


Can't Wash You Off My Skin

by Bocadillo



Category: Dorohedoro
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon, Virginity, a little angsty if you squint, possibly unrequited love but who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bocadillo/pseuds/Bocadillo
Summary: He loves her like a pure, unattainable being he's not worthy of even being close to. Refusing her feels like blasphemy.In which Noi asks Shin to be her first.
Relationships: Noi/Shin (Dorohedoro)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 175





	Can't Wash You Off My Skin

There's something tense about her the entire time they're having dinner that he can't seem to explain. As someone who has shitty days more than occasionally, he doesn't press the matter.  
  
She's stabbing at a few bites of food still left on her plate and that in itself is worrying, because she always finishes her food, especially when he's paying. It's her nineteenth birthday and while she refused En's offer to throw a big, formal festivity for her, she did agree to have dinner with Shin.  
  
The silence between them isn't the usual companionable lack of communication that comes naturally with being together most of the time. Even though he doesn't want to admit it, it unsettles him.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Noi looks at him, piercing red eyes guarded and filled with an odd sense of unfamiliarity. Like she's really looking at him for the first time since she's known him. He brushes a hand over his face, in case there's something stuck to his skin, but comes up empty.  
  
"It's something stupid." She sighs, taking a sip from her drink and setting it down carefully.  
  
He mirrors her action, watching a waitress put food in front of a pair of other diners. They're in a fancier place than their usual hole in the wall noodle stands. Compared to the other diners, they're dressed rather casually. Actually, he sends a glance her way, he's the one who looks kind of shabby.  
  
They came here directly after finishing work, so there's blood on his clothes and he hasn't had an opportunity to shave since this morning. Running a hand over his face, he can feel the beginnings of stubble scratching his calloused hands.  
  
She, on the other hand, has changed into a blouse and skirt in the restaurant bathroom before their meal. Nothing fancy, but at least her clothes are clean.  
  
"Do you think I'm pretty, Senpai?" Her tone of voice is casual, but her eyes look at him warily.  
  
"Uh, sure." He shrugs noncommittally.  
  
If she knew how conflicted he is about how often her beauty occurs to him at all the wrong times, she'd probably be thoroughly disturbed. And wouldn't have to ask this question.  
  
"There's something I want from you." She holds his gaze, sitting up more straight and setting the fork down finally. "You haven't gotten me anything for my birthday yet, after all."  
  
"I told you I'm paying for the food. That's your gift."  
  
"Then we'll split the bill. I want something different." It feels more like the comfortable, playful banter they usually engage in and he turns to her fully, accepting whatever challenge she is most likely going to propose.  
  
"Get En to buy it for you then." Speaking of, he waves at the waitress to signal that they've finished their dinner. Noi broods for a moment. Sulks, almost. They don't speak until after he has paid their bill he's getting ready to go.  
  
"I've never had sex, you know." she murmurs. Above the din of conversations and cutlery clicking, he can hardly hear her. When he does make out what she has said, he settles back down on his seat, wordlessly looking at her. "I want to try it. I'm old enough."  
  
"You want me to find a guy for you?" he asks cluelessly. He doesn't have that many friends and all of those are kind of assholes. And frankly, the thought of her with anyone gives rise to a foreign wave of frustration.  
  
"No!" she exclaims, a little too loudly. Clearing her throat, she waits for the diners from the table over to get back to their meal. "I want to do it with you, Senpai."  
  
"Huh?!" Her silence seems to last forever while Shin's busy processing what she has said.  
  
"I don't want it to be just be some guy I don't know I can trust." She explains. "I trust you, Shin."  
  
The use of his name feels like she's crossing a border. Closing a distance that makes it easier for him to restrain himself from stepping over lines himself.  
  
"Listen, Noi." he says somberly. "There's no hurry to this. You can find someone you care about and - "  
  
"I care about _you_." There is warmth in her eyes now and her hand makes a move across the table as if she's reaching for him. He jerks back subconsciously.  
  
"It's supposed to mean something." he argues weakly.  
  
"Did your first time mean something to you?" She regards him curiously. He swallows and wills the angry blush away.  
  
"That's not the same..."  
  
"Why?" Noi asks simply. "Why is it different?"  
  
"Because-" Because he's street scum and he lost his virginity to other street scum while so drunk he can only vaguely recall she had been quite a bit older and shitfaced enough not to recognize him from the wanted posters. And he'd stuck with that kind of company whenever he'd sought out a partner for the night.  
  
"See? There's no reason. I don't care that we're not madly in love or anything." She waves her hand in a derogatory gesture that almost knocks over the salt shaker on the table. "I just want to know what it's like. It's nothing special."  
  
Oh but it is. How can she not see how perfect she is? She was so close to becoming a devil, a pure being of almost infinite power who wouldn't concern herself with lowly human problems like this. Or with him, for that matter. Actually, _he's_ the reason all the hard work going into her devil training was for nothing.  
  
Whenever they talk about this, she says that she doesn't regret it and gets huffy when he expresses that he thinks she might have made the wrong call. Time and time again, she has told him that he's more important to her than becoming a devil, but he just finds it hard to accept.  
  
Because he loves her and at the same time knows that he's no good for her. He's just a fucked up, half breed magic user whose ability can be used for nothing but destruction. And he loves her like a pure, unattainable being he's not worthy of even being close to. Refusing her feels like blasphemy.  
  
"You're sure about this...?" His mouth feels oddly dry, heart hammering in his chest. A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.  
  
"Of course I am." He looks at the table between them.  
  
"Once." he mutters and looks at her firmly. "Just once. We never speak of it again."  
  
She grins fully, something like relief crossing her beautiful features. "I'm so glad, Senpai."  
  
Shin cringes under the familiar title and gets up to leave with her on his tail. Once they have made it outside, he breathes in the hot summer air and already regrets agreeing.  
  
"Don't call me that now." he says quietly after they've reached the car. She stands next to the passenger door, undecided, and he half hopes she's had a change of heart.  
  
"Do we do it here?" The innocent curiosity on her face makes his face heat up. He ducks into the car and starts the engine. "Guess not." She shrugs, hopping into the passenger seat.  
  
The drive to En's manor mostly goes by in silence. She tries to break it a few times, but he cuts any conversation with her short, too engrossed in his own inner turmoil. They end up in front of his room and he lets her in grudgingly. Without any sort of invitation, she plops down on his bed, taking a moment to move the blanket to the foot of the bed, while her other hand is already in the process of unbuttoning her blouse. Impatient as always.  
  
It's just easy fun for her, he reasons. Nothing meaningful. It's probably for the best that she doesn't know just how much it does mean to him. How hard he has berated himself for his desire for her, when she's already given up everything for him. And why do people keep on having to make sacrifices for him when he can do fuck all to pay them back. He was to metally shake off the memory of the day his life in Hole fell apart.  
  
Loosening his tie, he sits next to her on the bed. She's on him the second the mattress dips under his weight, straddling his lap and pulling his tie off fully.  
  
"Hey, slow down." He's stalling and he knows it. She knows it, too, probably. She unbuttons his shirt, slowly, and now he wishes he could get this over with and done as quickly as possible. Her hair tickles his face and her scent is everywhere. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, reveling in how wrong it feels to enjoy this.  
  
Noi presses an experimental kiss somewhere between his collar bones. Runs a hand over his bare chest, the shirt hanging off his arms uselessly and he squirms under her appreciative stare. Without a word of warning, she shoves her hand right between his legs, frowning questioningly. His upper body jerks forward, legs closing.  
  
"Nothing's happening." she states plainly, her hand groping around. His cheeks turn an indignant shade of dark pink as he scowls at her.  
  
"It doesn't work like pushing a button." She looks at him in surprise.  
  
"Huh." Her hand emerges from the front of his pants to cup herself through her underwear, beneath her skirt. "It does for me."  
  
She smiles at him and he can feel the tingling in his crotch where her ass is pressed against him, separated only by her underwear and his pants. Her grin turns wicked when she can feel his cock twitch. "Now it's starting to work."  
  
"Shut up." he says, but there's no anger in his voice. He's never been passive when it comes to sex, but with her, it feels like if he starts, he won't be able to stop himself.  
  
After some consideration, his hands move to touch her side while she waits as patiently as she can, roaming over her waist, over the side of her boobs and up to her shoulders. He wishes he could kiss her mouth, her skin, anything to ease the awkwardness of having her stare at him, but he's not sure she wants him to. Vaguely, he wonders if she can feel his desperation in the way his hands tremble. The barely contained need that he's been carrying with him for as long as he's known her but has always pushed somewhere far, far down.  
  
She hums in something he takes to be agreement while he cups her naked breasts and the sound sends shivers down his spine and blood irushing nto his cock.  
  
Sometimes being touched is too much for Shin. He doesn't know why, exactly. It's not a problem he had before -... But right now, her body pushing him down and her arms linked behind the back of his neck feel too confining.  
  
In a quick motion he hasn't thought through entirely, he flips them over, causing her to look up at him, desire in her eyes, but also trepidation.  
  
The new position causes her legs to hang off the edge and he's half standing in front of the bed, bracing himself on his arms on either side of her. Slipping down, he crouches between her legs, pushing up her skirt and pulling her panties in the opposite direction at the same time. He peels her underwear off her long legs, his hands stroking up the smooth skin on the sides of her calves and looks at her, unasked question in his eyes. She stares and... doesn't understand what he's doing with his face between her thighs.  
  
He saves himself the embarrassment of her asking and him having to explain and just moves his head down, kissing her lower belly. His kisses trail down slowly, not because he wants to tease her, but because he hopes she'll get the message this way. Dragging his tongue down her pubic mound, he looks at her flushing face, relieved that finally she's at least a little embarrassed.  
  
She holds his gaze for just a second. Then he dips his tongue between her lips and she sighs, her head falling back against the mattress. She's wet, her taste a pleasant mix of sour and salty and his tongue flicks over her clit in a slow circle as he gauges which spots are good for her.  
  
The other times he had done this, it had been more about proving to himself that he can please a woman than being a good partner. But with her, it's all about making her feel good, watching intently for every little grimace she makes to help him find a position and rhythm that works for her. Okay, maybe he likes it a little, too. With one hand, he unbuttons and unzips his pants, suppressing a shudder at the relieved pressure against his cock.  
  
Her chest rises more quickly than before, her breasts looking heavy and inviting and he needs to tear his eyes away to focus on the task at hand.  
  
This isn't so bad, he figures. He's doing what she wants, but it doesn't feel like he's taking advantage of her, her soft moans ringing out into the silence. He feels her getting close just as his tongue starts getting tired.  
  
One of her hands is fisted into his blond hair almost painfully and her hips rise in an uncoordinated motion every now and then. And he wants it now, wants to make her come with his mouth, wants to taste her while she does. Closing his eyes, he relishes the feeling of her nails raking over his scalp and -  
  
She pulls him off before he has managed to make her come, her face pink, her mouth open to take in heavy breaths. Wordlessly, she makes a grab for him, guiding him up onto the bed with her, until he's on top of her, still trying to figure out why the fuck she made him stop.  
  
"I want you. Now." She breathes, his cock twitches obediently against the hand she has pushed in between them and she has the nerve to smile at him.  
  
For all her eagerness, she really doesn't know what she's doing. Her hand palms him through his underwear, just pushing experimentally, and no matter how desperate he is for contact, that is never going to get him off.  
  
"Wait here." he says firmly and extracts himself from in between her thighs, rising to a stand.  
  
"Hey!" she yells after him in bewilderment when he leaves to go into the bathroom.  
  
"Just fucking... wait." he shouts, opening a bathroom cabinet, then the next. He catches sight of himself in the mirror and looks away quickly before he can start questioning what on earth he's doing.  
  
He comes back with a condom in his palm, shrugging the shirt off his shoulders. She is sitting on his bed, her legs drawn, shirt discarded and skirt pushed up in a crumpled mess. It's enough to bring his wilting erection back to life as he tosses the little foiled square onto the bed next to her unceremoniously.  
  
"Good thinking, S...Shin." She stumbles over his name as he returns to the bed next to her. "Can I put it on? You know, for practice."  
  
He lays back, dragging a hand over his face in a vain attempt to hide the heat in his cheeks as he nods. She starts fumbling with the zigzag designed to make breaking the packaging easier and finally just puts the edge of the package between her teeth to rip it open.  
  
"Idiot, don't use your teeth, you're going to break it." he hisses and she looks puzzled for a moment, but no less eager.  
  
"Oh yeah, I guess that could happen. Think you could knock me up?" Her voice sounds challenging and he almost groans aloud in frustration at the fact that she can't be serious even in a situation like this one.  
  
"That's not a chance I'm willing to take, Noi" he says firmly.  
  
"I didn't break it, see?" She holds the condom up for him to look at.  
  
He nods again, one arm hiding his face while she fumbles around his lower half with renewed interest. Sliding her hands into the side of his pants and underwear, she touches his hips and pushes both garments down to his mid thighs, scooting down so that he can feel her wetness pressed against his skin. He can't remember ever feeling this vulnerable, especially not when he's around her.  
  
"I don't know why I didn't expect you to be packed." She has the nerve to poke the head of his cock in awe, grasping it from where it curls up and leaves a wet smudge on his belly button so it stands up straight in defiance to his growing lack of confidence. It doesn't sound like a compliment from her mouth and it probably isn't meant as such. Just an observation. He's tall, so he figures it's only natural he wouldn't be small down there either.  
  
Feeling humiliated shouldn't have a positive effect on his arousal, he dimly concludes. Never mind the fact that she's not even trying to humiliate him, she's just genuinely interested in the way he feels and looks. And really, who's acting like a virgin here. This isn't his first, second or even third time for that matter, but it is a first for him to sleep with someone he actually cares about.  
  
He swallows hard when he feels her hand cup his balls, but she's careful for fucking once in her life now, thank the devil.  
  
"Ok, what do I have to do." She peers at him and he pushes up onto his elbows to observe her handling the condom.  
  
"You pinch the tip so there's no air in it or it might tear." He's infinitely grateful that she gets which tip she's supposed to pinch. Sometimes she has a hard time following instructions when they work. It's kind of self explanatory from this point though, so he stays quiet while she rolls it all the way down.  
  
Work is not something he wants to think about when her hand is wrapped around his dick. He's already on the brink of calling it quits but Shin just knows she wouldn't let him live it down and that's the only reason he lets her settle in his lap.  
  
Noi pushes her lower body down to meet him eagerly, his hand guiding his cock to her entrance, and she adjusts her position, trying to impale herself on him with a concentrated frown on her face. The frown turns into one of frustration, strain showing in the way her cheeks tense up, teeth clenched. He sits up to try and get a better angle with her sitting on his lap, but it doesn't really change anything.  
  
"It won't go in." she mutters, shuffling around in a way that makes him clench his hands into the soft flesh on her thighs.  
  
"You need to give it time and relax." he says, looking at the place where they're - well not exactly connected, but close enough. One of his hands moves to the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles. "Does it hurt?"  
  
She tries to impale herself once more and marvels at the way he tenses up.  
  
"Kinda." She does it again and he wants to stop her, he really does, but his hands won't listen to him. "Does that feel good...?"  
  
He clenches his teeth and doesn't reply. It doesn't do much for him now, but he knows that it _could_. And it's taking every last bit of will power not to force his way into her to feel that promising warmth enveloping him further.  
  
She's growing more impatient. He can tell from the way she can't hold still for even one second to let her body open up for him. Their eyes meet, her lips are open, shiny with spit and invitingly red and again, he wishes he could kiss her. Noi chooses that moment to just force her body open for him and he sees her pupils shrink, her mouth falling open further as something within her tears. He can't feel it himself, but he can tell when he slides into her more easily.  
  
An oddly high pitched sound leaves her mouth, one he hasn't heard from her when she's gotten hurt on the job, but he guesses this is a different kind of pain altogether.  
  
Her eyes are closed as he puts his arms around her and just holds her against him. Internally, he's berating her for being so careless and for not letting him finish her before, so that this would suck a little less. But he really doesn't think he's capable of coherent speech with her stretched around him, all clenched up in pain.  
  
She holds on to him almost a little helplessly. Before he's ready and probably before she is, too, she moves her hips up, letting him slide out almost all the way and forces herself back down.  
  
Air rushes out of his lungs at the sudden stimulation and he knows she's only doing it for his sake when she repeats the motion, her muscles tensing up in defense.  
  
"Noi, don't..." She does it again, letting go of him enough to be able to look him in the face, transfixed by the expression she finds there that seems to convey pain but is brought on by an entirely different feeling.  
  
"I think I'm starting to like it." she murmurs, resting her forehead against his. He doesn't have the heart to tell her that she's doing it all wrong, that sex isn't supposed to be about enduring pain so the other person can get off.  
  
His hand moves between their bodies, seeking out her clitoris and dragging the pad of one finger over it, making her breath hitch and her eyelids flutter. He fights to keep her hips still with the hand clutching her thigh and focuses on finding a spot that will make this good for her, too. Shin thinks he has found it when she relaxes enough to take another inch of him inside her.  
  
"Hmmm..." she sighs into his hair and takes a hold of his hand on her thighs, grabbing it in her own so he can't stop her hips from moving freely. "I think it's healed."  
  
It takes a solid couple of seconds for his brain to catch up with what she has said. It's hard to think about magic when she's rocking her hips against him, causing delicious friction that has him fight to keep his hips in place so he won't move in time with her slow bouncing and possibly hurt her.  
  
For a stupid moment, he wonders whether the piece of tissue he has broken through will heal back, but apparently, she can control her magic to have the soreness go away but not the skin regrow. It would be kind of inconvenient if it grew back every single time.  
  
Redoubling her efforts now, she moves quickly, then abruptly stops altogether to adjust. The building of pleasure and the sudden stops are testing every last bit of restraint he has in his body while his fingers continue to pleasure her. This is about _her_ , not him.  
  
Moaning, her head falls back and he can't stop himself from putting his mouth on her neck, feeling her quick heartbeat beneath his lips and tongue.  
  
He doesn't really want to leave a mark (and besides, she can heal them in an instant anyway), but when he pulls his head back, there's a purple bruise blooming on her otherwise pale skin and she's pushing his head back to where it was.  
  
Biting back any noises, he tries to breathe through the waves of pleasure building in his lower stomach, making his cock harden further and his hips rise up to meet hers. There isn't a time he can remember getting so caught up in this act he actually had to force himself to stay quiet. She's certainly less inhibited in her expressions of pleasure.  
  
Her movements are getting shakier after a while. Her eyes widen with surprise and a choked sound leaves her mouth as her hips sink down, taking him all the way in.  
  
She tenses, clutches at him in a way that he can't deny isn't painful and he feels her convulse, shuddering and gasping for air as she comes.  
  
Several moments of breathless silence later, he moves to extract himself from her body, but she fights to keep him inside.  
  
"Don't stop." she breathes and he shivers. "...please."  
  
He flips them over, slipping out of her as he pushes her back against the mattress. She hooks her legs around his waist and his hand guides him back into her warmth, moving slowly to test if she's still in pain. Her muffled sigh turns into a harsh intake of breath when he pushes in more forcefully, then pulls his hips back.  
  
She nods at him, impatiently, and he puts more of his strength behind the next thrust, eyes shut as he seeks out his own pleasure.  
  
He hates that this is all about him now. Hates that she's watching him. Hates how much he's into it, how quickly he can feel the pressure building. Most of all, he hates that now that they've gotten this far, he doesn't really want it to end yet.  
  
Hooking her arms around his neck, she pulls his head down to rest on her shoulder as he blindly snaps his hips against her, losing all sense of rhythm as he gets close. He bites into his fist when he comes, hard enough to tear open the stitching at the root of his index finger, while he's riding out his orgasm inside of her.  
  
Leaving him not a second to recover, she drags his head up from where he's resting it next to hers, half buried in the mattress, and crashes her mouth against his bloody lips in a bruising kiss that lasts until he feels like he'll faint from lack of air.  
  
They don't move for a while afterwards and he loses all sense of time. He might have drifted off for all he knows, but his breathing still hasn't quite gone back to normal by the time her hand in his hair makes him stir.  
  
He has half a mind to wonder if he's crushing her beneath him. After all, she's still smaller than him, even if she's been growing at an alarming rate ever since he's gotten to know her.  
  
When she managed to put a blanket over them with him still lying on top of her is lost to him. She must have kicked it up with her foot far enough to be able to take a hold of it and drape it over them both.  
  
"Senpai."  
  
It's the wrong thing to say to him in a moment like this. Even if her voice is gravelly with affection and her arms are still wrapped around him, she's putting that barrier between them again. The one he clings so hard to so something like _this_ won't happen.  
  
He rolls off her with a renewed sense of urgency, his cock slipping out of her wetly while she winces.  
  
And he's glad for the blanket hiding most of him now that it's over, settling on his back and dragging a hand through his sweaty hair. Slowly, she rises beside him and moves around the room silently while gathering her clothes. By the time she returns to where he's sitting up on the bed, he has managed to furtively slip off the slimy condom and pull his pants back up.  
  
Her expression is unexpectedly demure, her hands smoothing wrinkles out of her skirt, shirt buttoned up wrong.  
  
"Thank you, Senpai." She leans down, cupping the back of his head in her hand. Shin fights the urge to lean in and kiss her, but it seems all wrong when he's had time to think about it and it's not something that just happened in the heat of the moment. There's no challenge in her eyes. Only something like uncertainty.  
  
Noi leans forward, past him and whispers into his ear, her breath warm on his skin. "I really liked your gift."  
  
She turns to leave then. At the door, she halts, turning her head towards him. But whatever she meant to say or do, she seems to think better of it and instead turns off the light and shuts the door behind her quietly.  
  
He's left in the dark, his body still tingling, heart rate out of control and their combined sweat drying on his skin. As always, wanting something that he can't have.

**Author's Note:**

> Set at some point after Noi gave up her devilship for Shin and became his partner, way before the manga starts. 
> 
> I didn't really notice any clues in the manga about how old Shin and Noi were when they met, so this might be way off. In this story, she's 19 and he's 22.
> 
> English is my second language, so feel free to point out any mistakes so I can improve. I've also not written anything in ages, but Shin and Noi's dynamic is just so inspiring.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
